Babblings on Neuroticism

Ahh.

That wasn't a sigh of relief, or contentment, or sadness. I dislike the word sigh, really, which is why I hardly use the emote /sigh.

You see, it was more like the brief breath you exhale before you take on a challenge. The puff of readiness that calms your lungs and sets your nerves in stone. The air pushed out, lips pulled into a tight "O", accompanied by either straightening shoulders or narrowing, focused eyes.

Well, yes. I'm ready.
I'm scared and I'm ready for whatever comes next. I like to think of breaks as a time to gather and recuperate and reset my mind before I enter the chaos again. It's just too bad that when I actually get a job and such I probably won't have very many opportunities to take real breaks.

But hopefully, by then, I'll have settled and figured things out and set a pattern which I will never deviate from lest something happen like, oh, I don't know. The death of my SO or a sudden absence of all laidback people on Earth. I mean--you know what I mean--there will be no person who I can turn to and hear the trustworthy words, "Don't worry."

"Things will be fine. Take it easy."

I know I'm neurotic. I couldn't pretend to be one of those laidback people, as much as I try. Though, in certain spaces, people could count me as part of the apathetic number, it isn't quite reality. Those 'certain spaces' would be filled with the petty types, the ones who are obsessed with obtaining such-and-such status or xxxxxx hair color or |this many| square feet of real estate. Of course I don't give a shit about any of that.

But don't mistake me for the calm Buddhist monk or the stoner walled inside his aromatic apartment. I. Can't. Relax. That. Much.

And oh well. I guess it's just something I'll have to deal with.